


Video Log [CONFIDENTIAL]: K. Alenko

by Freckles04



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Implied Character Death, M/M, Other, non-gender-specific Shepard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-05-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 11:18:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/810984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freckles04/pseuds/Freckles04
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally posted on Tumblr. Years after the Reaper War, Kaidan says goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Video Log [CONFIDENTIAL]: K. Alenko

Funny how life goes, huh.

I mean, I thought for a long time that I’d never see the ripe old age of thirty-six. And then I thought thirty-seven was a fool’s dream. Forty seemed sort of routine, not the big “four-oh” at all. Mom used to say her worldview changed at forty. Could be that’s because she had me. But my worldview evened out then. Strengthened. Hell, we had a world to view. 

Because of you.

You changed my life, Shepard. Don’t look away or shake your head. You did. When I met you, I was just another lieutenant, you know? Doing good, doing my job, but we both know I wasn’t living up to my potential. You helped show me I could. I could be more. I could be human and a good soldier. A good man. That’s…you know, that’s really what I wanted. Not to be a hero. Just to serve, to give back. 

Funny, huh? An L2 biotic eager to help the Alliance. A lot of other Brain Camp kids were mad, damned mad, at it all. I was, too. For awhile. Took a long time for me to get my head on straight after BAaT, and even when I’d thought I’d left that all behind me, you showed me there were pieces I’d hung onto, without intending to.

You helped me put it all to rest, Shepard. I know it doesn’t stack up there with saving the galaxy—four times? Five? I’ve lost count—but it means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. I just want you to remember that. 

So, you know…after the first Normandy went down, I…I kept a picture of you. A real picture, not some holographic one. Not sure I ever told you that. It was one Ash had snapped at some point. Caught you in this awful pose with a weird expression on your face. I carried it with me, to every place I was stationed. Kept it in my duffel, or in my locker. You know, out of sight. That’s kind of how I tried to deal with you, the memories of you. Out of sight. But when I hit a rough spot, I’d pull it out. To look at you, yeah. To remember the smiles, the laughs, that “don’t mess with me” glare you had just perfect. But mostly, I’d remember that you weren’t just Commander Shepard, Saviour of the Citadel. You were _Shepard_ , just another human being with weird faces at the wrong time, and that…it made it easier.

I want to share memory after memory. Talk about all my favourites and imagine you smiling at me, chuckling maybe. Shaking your head. Scowling at my idea of good memories, because you do that. But that’s not…yeah, that’s not what this is for. 

We both know this is only the start. We both heard the doctors: my implant is failing. Hell, it’s almost forty years old and I’ve pushed it hard, damned hard. It’s surprising it lasted as long as it did. I think I suspected it was going last year, when I had that really bad episode, remember? But yeah, this latest one leaves no doubts.

Look…uh, God. This is harder to talk about than I thought it was going to be. Yeah. I’ve made sure everything’s…uh, everything’s up to date. My will, instructions. Stuff. I wanted to record this, for when…if…it goes completely. Doc says it might not kill me. It’s stuff I don’t want to think about, you know? But I am, because I love you, and I want you…I want you to know.

Let me go. If it happens, if I’m here, but…not, let me go.

Your friend, Thane, sat and talked with me a few times while I was stuck in Huerta. Not sure I believed in all his religion stuff, though I know he did. He took a lot of comfort from it, I think, that he’d find peace across the sea. That he’d find the people he loved waiting for him.

It’s good imagery. It’s…it’s a good thought, you know? That I’ll be waiting for you. Across the sea.

I will, Shepard. For as long as it takes. Just be…hell, asking you to be happy sounds selfish and stupid. But I just want to know that you’ll be all right. No, let me rephrase that. You will be all right. Because even though you’re Shepard, the very human human with funny faces and bad timing, you’re also Commander Shepard, saviour of the galaxy, the person I love who just doesn’t know how to quit.

So, uh…yeah. I… 

Take care, Shepard.


End file.
